Home Is Where The Heart Is

Monday, January 31, 2005

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue, and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star Tony always tended bar

Across the crowded floor, they worked from eight 'til four
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more

At the Copa, Copa Cabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
(Here) At the Copa, Copa Cabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa... they fell in love

His name was Rico, he wore a diamond
He was escorted to his chair he saw Lola dancin' there
And when she finished, he called her over
But Rico went a bit too far, Tony sailed across the bar

And then the punches flew, and chairs were smashed in two
There was blood and a single gun shot
But just who shot who

At the Copa, Copa Cabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
(Here) At the Copa, Copa Cabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa... she lost her love...

- Barry Manilow, Copa Cabana

Fav. song of the moment, at least while the party music still dins in my ears... haha

It never ceases to amaze me that a little alcohol can do wonders in loosening someone up. Ok, maybe it wasn't that little, but even if that someone were totally aware of what they were doing, they still do stuff that they normally wouldn't sans alcohol.

For now, at least, things have begun to fall more into perspective... I don't know what it is, but I just know for now that things might be better if the status quo continued. Things I can't change, impressions I can't alter, and what's done is definitely cast in stone and dried... Perhaps it's for the better, no?

Better to keep a dream alive and hidden, than to sunder it with the actions of the foolhardy... discretion has always been the better part of valour. The trouble is, naturally, when to apply that discretion, and when not to. I could quote a hundred different one-liners to back me up, but this will suffice for now, I guess.

As I said before, events have a tendency of sneaking up and bonking you on the head when you least expect it. So much so, that maybe things only happen when you're really not expecting them to. Ever wondered why people like surprises? Now ya know...

I wish I could be there. I wish things were different. I wish it didn't hurt so much to know what I want but can't have... I wish for a hundred different things. And as always, if one day my wishes came true, I'd wonder if I had the temerity to accept such a gift. Would I take hold of it, treasure it? Or would I cast it all away in a single moment of folly? Sometimes, I'm glad I don't have to worry about such things, since that's not going to happen anytime soon.

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...'

I miss her.

Someday, when we are wiser...

- All-4-One, Someday

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
1:43 AM

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Isn't it any wonder now, the stars around me
Are not the brightest of them all
From standin' proud, to falling like a domino down
And out, somehow
All that I remember now, 'bout being by your side
Is just having the most amazing time
But nothin' lasts forever
We're just human after all...

- Ultra, Human After All

For a boy band, those are some melancholy lyrics indeed.

I'll never forget that day. What a rush...

It's just the things we can hold on to, memories are all we can look on when all's been said and done. It's like this time, my friend's friend went to KL, but came back without so much as a pic of the Petronas (sp?) Towers. After the "what, are you loco??" comments, he said something like, "it's all in the mind".

No need for photos, it's our emotions that lock these memories into our heads, and preserve them forever.

It would have been fun if things could have continued this way, but I guess some things are not meant to be. It's a funny thing, how hard it is to let go - I know the logic, why I should do it, but I don't want to.

Why?

The voices of instinct are shouting so loud that they all but drown out the gentler voice of reason. I'm scared, that is - scared of rejection, scared of looking like a fool, scared of every goddamn thing that could happen. I guess I don't want to lose another friend - hate seeing friendships go down the gutter.

If you love her, you'll let her go? Total bullcrap. I let go only because I know it's futile to pretend I have a hope. Tahan the pain now, while i'm prepared, then later when it might just smack me in the face, and then some.

You know, I just wish... I wish I could have remained ignorant, so all these thoughts wouldn't be running through my head. But they are, and they're here to stay... Sometimes, I just feel like sleeping, and not waking up, because in my dreams, things are so much happier...

The smile on her face, and the sway in her walk...

Just... so beautiful. I can't... I can't... can't.... c-

'Even the strong have their moments of fatigue...'
- Nietchize

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
1:10 AM

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Friday, January 21, 2005

When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see...
Nothing but my own mistakes, starin' back at me...

- Linkin Park, Pushing Me Away

Why does it feel more real when I dream of you?
Why do I feel for you only when I see you?
Why did I even begin to feel this way, when I should not have?
Why does it feel so fake, and yet so real?

Why...?

Is all I feel for you merely a dream, a chimera?

I wish I knew.

And regarding the that backstabbing hypocrites out there, those who 'proclaim' God's love and His holiness in their lives while acting like Satan's personal whore: FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS

Damn, that felt good.

And it's even a proper sentence! Score one.

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
8:44 PM

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Monday, January 17, 2005

Runnin' away, you can't pretend
Up to the door and back again with me, I know
Runnin' away, she drives me wild
Even someone that makes me run like you, I know

Song 'O The Moment! Run Away by Electrico, great song with a flowing tune.

Alot of things have happened recently in my life, which holds true to the adage I have always held: things ONLY happen when you're not expecting them to. Life has a habit of bumping me on the back of the head when I least expect it. Oh well.

I can't reveal all the details; thoughts of mine which are too intimate and circumstances of which I am yet unsure that will turn out the way I hope. Suffice to say, I took the advice of 2 good frens, and prayed for help. I haven't gone to God for the better part of a decade, so I wasn't very sure as I did. And as always, I had no idea He would help me, or even hear me.

Boy, oh boy. Curve ball no. 1 strikes Dorkus Maximus on the head!

So many things have happened in the space of a week. And even though things have cooled down rather since, memories of what has happened will stay with me for some time to come. I found myself doing things I haven't done for years, and for the first time in a long time, I was struggling to keep up with the pace of life.

Unbelievable.

Perhaps I have been thinking too much on some things. The blind man is always the last to acknowledge his own sightlessness. As someone recently said, 'You guys are in the prime of your life. Live life to the fullest...' No point waiting around agonizing about what may or may not come to be. I will always will be waiting and hoping, but in the meantime, I've got alot of catching up to do.

Ultimate short-term objective for now:

Ollie onto a rail and 50-50 grind it, ollie off and finish with a friggin' manual.

Killer move, that.

And yes, try to hold a lil more liquour than I currently can.

"Time to kick ass & chew bubble gum! But I'm all outta gum..."

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
9:57 PM

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far I'm concerned, I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you...

Love this song, just brings out the warm fuzzy feeling. Oooh, nice, isn't it?

Okay, enough cuddling.

Ever have the feeling of running at top speed and getting nowhere? Feel like your pet hamster on his running wheel? Sometimes, we stumble across the plains of life, looking for an answer, when it's just there, right under our nose. There's an old Polish saying, "The shoemaker's son has no shoes". How apt, indeed. We are creatures of habit, and sometimes the barriers we have created in our mind blind us to the extent that we trip over the furniture in the living room of our mind.

On a lighter note, here's a transcript of the Singapore vs. Myanmar match a couple of days back:

Singapore Player 1: Hey I got the ball! I got the ball!
Singapore Player 2: Just kick long ball laaa.
SG Player 1: Sure anot?
SG Player 2: Sure I'm sure. Hey, it's only 65m to goal. Maybe can score, eh!
SG Player 1: I dunno, Coach said we should pass the ball
SG Player 2: Siao! You crazy ah, we always just anyhow whack the ball.
SG Player 1: I not sure...

Myanmar player, tired of 2 Singapore players waiting on the ball, tackles in and wins the ball.

SG Player 1: Eh, refee kayu! That was red-card lah!

Referee ignores Singapore Player 1

SG Player 1: That's it! I going to whack that idert.

Singapore Player 1 attempts blatant shove, misses and lightly pats Myanmar Player instead on back.

(5 secs later)
Myanmar Player: Eh someone touched me, but I can't remember where.

(10 secs later)
Hmm, can fake for foul eh. Let's see, where? Ok, the face!

Myanmar Player falls down clutching face as though KO by Mr Tyson

Football. More like Fakeball.

Anyway, I've always asked myself this question, why would a just God allow such suffering in the world?

The answer?

Without such suffering, would we recognize a God at all?

Think about that.

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
11:27 PM

1 Comments:

At 9:28 PM, Gerald said...: Heh who's this ah

Post a Comment

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Could I hold you for a lifetime, could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share, this night together
Could I hold you close beside me, could I hold you for all time
Could I, could I have this kiss, forever...

There's something infinitely nice about a song that you used to love, but lost contact with for such a long time, and just recently you heard it on the radio. Of course, I had to go download the song (Copyrights, schme-pyrights.)

In a way, that can be applied to real life, too. Someone whom you haven't had the pleasure of acknowledging for a long time, it's mostly a nice surprise when you see them again. Absence, as they say, makes the heart grow fonder, if the heart was fond to begin with. Too often this rule is applied too haphazardly, which is why we see so many of the following:

NS-Guy: Baby, I have to enlist in Pulau Tekong tommorow
Baby: I will miss you so veryyyy much...
NS-Guy: I will miss you too, but it's something us guys gotta do
Baby: I will call you every night, I will always think of you...

3 long & lonely weeks, and a sighting of Baby in the arms of another man, later...

Damn Sad NS-Guy: WTF????

See what I mean? Painful though it may be, separation is the true litmus test of one's feelings. Everyone can feel the deepest of emotions for someone if that person is but 2 feet away. It takes alot more to feel that way if the person in question is 2000 km away.

What a conumdrum love is. It evokes the highest of highs, but also stimulates the deepest wounds you will ever feel. Can't have your cake and eat it too, I guess, so there is no gain without risk. It's also alot less glamourous, partly because it is much harder to sit on a beach thinking of that someone, with romantic music playing in the background, in real life.

And of course, as someone mentioned so forthcomingly to me, love's alot more selfish than it's made out to be. Ironic a feeling that's supposed to promote selflessness int the name of love, is actually something that's focused on me, myself and I. After all, the main reason we start to have feelings for someone is because we ache to satisfy our internal urges.

Odd that such insights can come from a guy who, except for a brief fling, has been single throughout his life. I suppose that's ironic, too. The world's full of contradictions, what's one more in the name of love? As they might say, the blind man in the kingdom of the seeing is sometimes more clear-sighted.

I will not give up. You hear me? I will not give up!

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
10:56 PM

0 Comments:

Post a Comment