Home Is Where The Heart Is

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Song 'O The Moment:

There's a new wind blowin' like I've never known
I'm breathin' deeper than I've ever done
And it sure feels good, to finally feel the way I do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

And I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays
I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made
Now there's just one thing, the only thing I wanna do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you.

Yeah, I wanna feel the sunshine
Shinin' down on me and you
When you put your arms around me
You let me know there's nothing in this world I can't do

I used to run in circles goin' nowhere fast
I'd take a one step forward and two steps back
Couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

- Keith Urban, Somebody Like You

What makes a movie like LOTR so popular to the masses?

The book is one hell of a tedious read, to be frank. The movie has great action, romantic and poignant scenes, but so do alot of other movies. What makes this trilogy stand out?

It's the way the characters relate so closely to us.

Take Frodo, much-maligned gay hobbit and bearer of Sauron's ring. As a protanganist, he doesnt exactly portray the image of courage, steadfastness or dedication. He keeps weakening against the insidious influence of the ring, turns against Sam and even loses the battle for his mind at the end. So why is Frodo so powerful as the hero?

Because of this: like so many of us, Frodo is chained with a deep dark burden, that cannot be shared, that cannot be gotten rid of, that eats away at him incessantly. Like so many of us, with a deep dark secret that cannot be revealed - that is why we relate to Frodo.

Other examples, too - brothers Boromir and Faramir embody the age-old vice of human greed and avarice, the former giving in to his temptation and paying the ultimate price for it. LOTR doesn't try to make heroes that stand for the best or the worst in human nature, because people aren't so narrow-minded anymore to see the world in pure black and white. Instead, the world's a riot of shades of grey, just like all the characters have their good and bad sides.

Just like us.

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
9:51 PM

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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

'The thrill is in the hunt.'

- myself, 2004

I said it a while back, didn't I? The real excitement of love lies in chasing someone, not actually being with someone. The satisfaction then is quite different altogether, and perhaps not all for the better. We keep getting images of boy liking girl, boy going after girl, boy getting girl... why is it we never see the day-to-day affairs of boy arguing with girl? Because it's friggin' boring. That's right, attached love is boring.

Having a crush or falling in love can be so intense, it's almost like a drug. Ever wonder why that buaya/buayee always goes around chasing all available souls? It's nothing more than the proverbial addict craving the next fix. Crude, yes, but effectively so.

Never expected my theory to see the light of day. At worst, it would just me & my demented mutterings, but things unfold all around me and some of them are shaping themselves to suit that macabre saying. Not much of a fortune-teller - never was - but damn ironic that I should be right on a matter such as this. Guys and girls always gush about their crushes, their flames, whatever - never seen anything remotely approaching the situation where a person gushes about his/her stead. Instead, it's like ,'oh yea, we're attached' with perhaps a smile or two. Excitement? What excitement?

How long before people start seeing courtship as a means to an end, and not an end in itself?

I dunno, and I'm not sure I would behave any differently. Pride before the hypocritical fall - oh so cliched. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about it for the time being, 'cause I ain't got no gal to speak of.

Sometimes, being single has its benefits. Life's simpler, to speak of, and I don't have to worry about her or my wallet or whatever. Eventually, though, everybody tires of the Simple Life.

Doesn't everybody?

Meanwhile, Song 'O The Moment:

You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me, yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me, yeah
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be, yeah
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there, at all

And I, want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
And I, wanted to be, all you need
Somehow here is gone

I have no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there, at all

And I, want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you fallin'
And I, wanted to be, all you need
Somehow here is gone

- Goo Goo Dolls, Here Is Gone

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
9:36 PM

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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

You scored as Chaotic Good. A Chaotic Good person is someone who has little intrinsic respect for laws or authority, seeing them as insufficient to sustain what's right. These people work according to their own moral compass which, while good, is not necessarily always aligned with that of society. Despite their chaotic tendancies, these people are good at heart.

Lawful Good

70%

Chaotic Good

70%

Neutral Good

60%

Neutral Evil

50%

True Neutral

50%

Chaotic Neutral

40%

Lawful Evil

35%

Lawful Neutral

35%

Chaotic Evil

30%

What is your Alignment?
created with QuizFarm.com

Guess this really describes me, then. It's the first time in a long time that the results of a personality quiz actually come close to reality.

In other matters, all I can say is that one must live with the choices one makes, for better or for worse. Friendship, marriage, even simple things like the stuff we buy... there isn't always the proverbial save & reload or back-one-step feature we would all love to have. Make your choice, and stick with your guns. Nobody likes a waffler - that's why Kerry lost even though Bush was, and still is, a total twit just waiting to lose the election.

Where do I go from here? Good question, with no sufficient answers... Hope for the best, & prepare for the worst. If I had a penny for every time I wondered about the future, I'd be a friggin' millionaire. Suffice to say that the rollercoaster I'd been on has finally decided to slow to a grudging halt.

Before I forget, Song 'O The Moment!

Where are ya going? I heard you say
I'm goin' nowhere, you in my way
Just like the iron, of a falling chain
It's wrapped up inside me, inside my brain

And it's just squeezin'...

I would never lose my mind
Cause I've got so much more inside
I should try to walk away...

Crazy like me, is what I say
You're goin' nowhere, around my head
This is between us, it's killing me
Keepin' it real babe, I'd rather be

And you start squeezin'...

I would never lose my mind
Cause I've got so much more inside
I should try to walk away...

(Cool guitar bridge)

- Electrico, So Much More Inside

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
1:02 PM

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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I guess love is now the the least of my worries.

Such a Pandora's box... might have known it wasn't meant to be

Existence trembles & dissolves...

God I wish I could have told her...

If she only knew...

Then again, maybe it's better she didn't.

Sad, isn't it?

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
2:57 PM

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Sunday, February 06, 2005

You won't cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant...
Am I so insignificant
Isn't something missing
Isn't someone missing me...

Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me...

- Evanescence, Missing

Isn't someone missing me?

I know I'm missing someone...

It's so intriguing to be able to know what that other someone is thinking. Are you sure you would want the gift of knowledge, for there is no turning back once one has crossed the invisible boundary of intelligence. Try as you might, you can't help but act on what you know, even at a subconscious level. Might she be thinking along the same lines as I am, just afraid to say it out because of simple fear of the unknown? Or might those thoughts be murderously negatively towards me?

I don't know, and perhaps the fact that I can't know migitates the decision somewhat. Imagine though, if she were feeling what I felt, wanting to but not daring to say what I can't voice myself... what if?

It's so easy to like someone, but not so easy to un-like someone. For some reason, God decided to formulate the brain chemistry to be horribly reluctant to relinquish its hold on romance. I guess that makes sense, for what value would love hold if it were but a leaf to be discarded in the wind?

Think about that.

On another note, say The Powers That Be have granted you just one wish in this whole world, to be used right here, right now. What would you wish for?

What, indeed? Would I be philanthropic and wish for world peace? (Hah, ditto the hordes of Ms Universe-wannabes.) An end to world hunger? My friends and family to be healthy & wealthy always?

Would I wish for love? Would I even wish for that someone? Would I dare wish for that someone?

How horrible it is in theory to usurp another's emotions for the satisfaction of one's own.

I know now what I would wish for. No, not her - love would lose all meaning if it ceased to be mutual. I know what you would say - 'what, you could have her and you don't want it??' I have seen girls come and girls go. Likes for someone - I don't think I could truthfully say I have felt true and sincere love - also come and go.

There is one constant, though.

I would wish that I never lose the ability to love

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
1:32 AM

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Thursday, February 03, 2005

Song 'O The Moment will be back in the next post; we (I, actually) apologize for the inconvenience.

With that out of the way, let's move on. I've just had some intriguing thoughts (happens when you laze around the whole day doing virtually nothing, but that's another story). I just remembered this book my army & JC mate was reading sometime back, titled The Lovely Bones. It made the bestseller's list a while back, so it may or may not be familiar to you.

The Lovely Bones is about the experience of a girl who got raped and killed, while she was in her early teens. Her spirit doesn't go to heaven or hell, but instead stays on Earth, watching her parents and friends cry at her funeral, how life goes on without her, etc.

That's what really got me. How would things go on if say I died instead? Would people cry at my funeral? (the cryptic people who would question the availability of said funeral in my honour, piss off.) Would people really miss me? How would life go on without me?

I'd like to think that people would really miss me. I'd like to think the tears at my funeral would be genuine. Knowing the situation though, that's not perhaps very likely. I don't tend to make a genuine impression on people, I don't really play a very big part in the lives of most people that I know. Perhaps its the introvertedness; I don't know. They'd say a few stock phrases about how I was a good man in life, and then forget me the next week. Something like that.

If I died, would she miss me? Would she be like those actresses you see in the movies, crying silently in a corner? Again, most probably not. Fantasies are nice to indulge in, but one shouldn't take them too seriously.

I can't tell you what happened in the end of the book, because I honestly don't know. I haven't had the opportunity to borrow it, and the cover price at Times and MPH is just hideous, at least to me. So much for cheap bestsellers. I do hope that, if it came to saying one honest thing about me that I could be proud of in my life, was that I was a good listener and shoulder to cry on.

Neuvo Riche, compadres`

On a lighter note, I remember this exerpt from PCK, 1st season, back when it used to be really funny (now it's just sad, the way everyone over-acts):

(PCK has just bought Aloysius an ice-cream)

PCK: Ah Loy, you know you're my favourite nephew rite?
Aloysius: (licking ice-cream vigourously) Uncle! I'm your only nephew
PCK: Ohh..

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
9:28 PM

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