Monday, May 16, 2005

Sometimes, things aren't meant to be.

"You sure you don't need any help with that?"

Especially when it's something you've wanted all your life.

"No it's OK. I think I can carry my own purse, don't you?"

I bent down. "Not even this half a dollar coin you dropped?"

She smiled. "I believe picking up small change is your job."

"Hey," I raised my hands in mock disagreement. "Waste not, want not."

"Sure."

We walked in silence to the metal barriers, where she paused momentarily and turned to face me.

"So this is it." I pursued my lips.

"Hey, let's not make this a big deal, OK?"

"You know, where you're going, you oughta dress up alot. It can get really cold, it's autumn and all..."

"Listen to me-"

"Yes?"

"We've been through this already, haven't we?"

Damn right we haven't.

"Do you really have to go?" I pleaded.

She sighed. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this opportunity."

"You have no idea how long I've waited for you."

"If you're going to hold what we have to hostage every time, I can't really say anything that's going to please you, can I?"

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Look, this isn't about us. We're good. It's just that we're going to be away from each other for awhile. Be patient, won't you? After all, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder..."

"Bullcrap. Absence makes the heart go yonder, and you know it."

"You know, I do like the way you argue back at me, on my own terms. It's one of your more endearing characteristics. But right now, I'm going to have to insist I'm correct this time."

I bit my lip. "Fine, you're right this time. Go away on your job of a lifetime, do whatever you want. I will NOT stand in your way from now on."

She raised a delicately-arched eyebrow. "Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm not afraid. I'm just pissed."

"Oh come on."

"Yes, yes I'm afraid, alright? You happy now?!"

She shook her head in disapproval. "You didn't have to do that."

With one fluid motion, she turned around, heaved her bag from where I had left it to her shoulder, and made for the exit.

I had about two seconds to say something before I would end up kicking myself for all time.

"I'm just scared to lose you, you know?"

She walked on.

"I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't even know if you'll ever be back. I just want things to stay the way they were..."

She halted in mid-step.

I've just put the proverbial foot in my mouth, haven't I?

She turned. Her expression was stony

Oh no.

It was then I noticed she was beginning to laugh. At me.

Oh yes.

She returned slowly. "You're a moron, you know that?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

I hugged her. Time was growing short.

"Take care of yourself."

"You too."

She walked away, pausing only to wave at the departure gate.

I waved back at her, smiling my darndest.

Truth is, I was struggling not to cry like the woebegone child I truly was as I stood there.

Until now, I never really understood what they meant by laughing and crying at the same time.

Until now.

As I slowly trudged back, I realized I'd forgotten to seek assurance of her return.

Then I registered the hard edge of something in my hand. I opened my fist.

The half dollar coin. From her purse.

I could almost hear her voice in my head, the words I needed most to hear:

I'll be back for that.



If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh, so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you.

Chorus:
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through but nothing's gonna change
My love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead the way for us, like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are

So come with me and share this view
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Chorus

- George Benson, Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You