Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Introducing: The What-The-Fuck-Just-Came-Over-Me syndrome (Foolus Infatuous), a very common malady among individuals of all ages.

Disease exists primarily as an infectious dementia among the confidence-challenged, and has an extremely high transmission rate. Exposure to affected individuals is highly toxic and should be avoided where necessary.

Early symptoms include involuntary spasms of crotch muscles, specifically the area surrounding the reproductive organs, as well as uncontrollable thoughts of highly provocative and/or erotic situations. Overall increased neural activity will also usually lead to stimulated sweat glands and partial loss of control over the laryngeal muscles, more commonly known as the 'voice box'.

If left untreated, the disease will progress into the second stage, where the most pronounced ailment is the excess production of dopamine in the brain, producing what is commonly referred to in layman's terms as the 'FUBAR Fantasies'. The subject will increasingly lose the ability to distinguish between reality and fiction - sleep deprivation, loss of appetite and the utter inability to concentrate on anything other than the afore-mentioned provocative scenarios are some of the more common manifestations.

Again, if treatment is still not administered, the disease will progress to the final and terminal stage, where the chances of complete recovery are drastically reduced. Besides the continual worsening of any present symptoms, the subject's attempts at relieving his/her symptoms will most often include acting out the 'FUBAR Fantasies' upon the targeted individual, whereupon the most common effects will include severe mental trauma, both socially and psychologically. In extreme cases, physical injury, most commonly to the facial area, will result as well.

The majority of afflicted individuals, however, will instead attempt to suppress such actions, which will instead result in greater long-term damage to the aft sections of the visual cortex, specifically the areas concerning human ideals of 'hope' and 'fulfilment'.

As this disease is extremely debilitating if treatment is not begun in the initial stages, prompt detection is of paramount importance. As symptomatic treatment is largely inefficient, existing methodology points to a more fundamental altering of the subject's psyche: treatment consists primarily of distracting the subject with suitable pursuits. The most popular options include the use of electronic visual stimuli, more commonly known as 'games' or 'television', as well as extensive derogatory remarks aimed at dissuading further pursuit of the subject's obsession, aka 'sour grapes bitching', or more commonly abbreviated as 'bitching'.

If all else fails, the final solution lies in the judicious use of alcoholic drinks to induce a state a sensory deprivation, which will inevitably be followed by a period of involuntary oral ejection, or in slang terms, 'worshipping the porcelain god'. Completion of treatment will include the visualisation of the subject's object of fantasy with every round of discharge from the mouth, until the subject is cured of all obsession. If necessary, repeat treatment the following day to ensure full and complete recovery, so as to forestall any possible relapse.