Home Is Where The Heart Is

Saturday, August 27, 2005

They say don't go for it.

Everything points against it ever happening.

I'm therefore wasting my time.

I should be pursuing something else instead, where my efforts will garner more results.

Sometimes I don't even know if I know what I'm doing.

When can you ever understand it's not about the effort, but rather the desire?

I would rather waste a lifetime of effort on something I want, rather than produce a smidgen of work on something I don't really desire.

And so, impasse continues.

I know I should stop, that it may be hurting more people than just me.

But when you really believe in something, you won't ever stop.

I can't help it if people want to hate me.

My only crime, as far as I'm concerned, is that I have never laboured to make myself well-liked. It's not my style.

If it means being misunderstood, so be it.

Quality over quantity, anyway.

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow, it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high
And like Icarus, I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans
More abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

(To love you) Take my world apart
(To need you) I am on my knees
(To love you) Take my world apart
(To need you) Broken, on my knees

All said and done, I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me
For all I am, for all you are
For what I need and what I believe, are worlds apart
And I pray

(To love you) Take my world apart
(To need you) I am on my knees
(To love you) Take my world apart
(To need you) Broken, on my knees

On my knees...

- Jars Of Clay, Worlds Apart

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
7:55 AM

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Monday, August 22, 2005

Epiphany II

At this rate of self-discovery, I oughtta be challenging for the Nobel Prize.

Alongside one of the most brutal work schedules. Ever.

Now that I look back on what I did, I wanna give myself a good kick in the nuts.

Then again, better late than never.

So much left to be done.

Then again, this time I'm not in a hurry.

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
10:51 PM

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Epiphany.

Maybe someday I'll find what I've always been looking for.

Or maybe it'll find me.

They say that things happen when you least expect them to.

I sure hope so.

So here we stand
Anchored in hope
Letting the rain wash away every fear
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they won't disappear

'Cause I don't know
where your journey goes
Or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart

I wish that time
Could be replayed
I'd keep you here with me everyday
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way

'Cause I don't know
where your journey goes
Or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I know you're watching over every beat of my heart...

- Corrinne May, Every Beat Of My Heart

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
5:24 AM

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Monday, August 15, 2005

Ever had the feeling of running at top speed and getting nowhere, like the proverbial mouse on a running wheel?

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to be right, you just aren't.

Change is only a good thing when it doesn't apply to you.

It's when you realize that, after all this while, you realize you didn't truly practice what you preached.

Oh, the irony.

In some ways, the most risky, the most difficult endeavour of my two decades.

The chance of reward, so infinitesimally small.

Dare I risk all and try anyway?

What choice do I have?

When for once in your life, the realization that hits you like a brick wall and leaves you gasping; that's when you really know you want something with all your heart.

Is it almost too late to retrieve the misstep?

I hope not.

Still have my trump card left to play.

And I'm damn well going to play it.

Fate is not like the cut of a blade or the swing of an axe, but rather the myriad of paths formed when a hammer cracks ice.

Every path you have trod, every obstacle you have overcome, every danger you have faced has led you to this point.

Prove yourself, damnit.

Either I fail in the most miserable and abject of manners, or succeed beyond my wildest dreams.

No middle ground, no compromise.

And that's bloody fine with me.

Runnin' away, you can't pretend...
9:32 AM

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